'Twas The Ruckus Before Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the house
The kitten was racing,
'Cause on nip he was soused.

The stockings were hung
by the chimney with care.
Hope they don't get shredded
just hanging up there.

The dog was all nestled all snug in her bed,
Her life flashed before her as he raced past her head.
And Pat in his jammies, and I in my gown,
Had just settled in and laid our butts down.

When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
I stormed down the hall, like Attila the Hun,
And looked all around to see what damage was done.

The lights on the branches of the new fallen tree
Gave the luster of pre-dawn to all I did see.
When, what to my twitching eye should appear,
A Siamese cat, and eight tiny nip-deer.

With a flick of his tail, so wild and untamed,
I knew who was guilty. I knew who to blame.
To his stuffed little hockey pucks (he thought it a game)
He trilled and he mewled and he called them by name!

"Now Crunchy! Now, Squishy! Now, Tooth-marked and Squeaky!
On, Hairball! On, Fluffy! On Drooled-on and Freaky!
To the top of the shelves! To the top of the wall!
Now swat away! Swat away! Swat away all!"

As paper wads that 'fore the wild kitten fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, bounced to the sky.
So up to the shelf-top the nip-mice they flew,
They ricocheted off of the light fixtures too!

I stood there agape, mouth open ajar,
As I surveyed the damage, viewed from afar.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down from the chandelier the kitten came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his paws were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of nip-mice he'd flung far far out,
His eyes looked all glazed over, yup...he was strung out!

The stump of a tree limb he held tight in his teeth,
And the lights they encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a masked face and a long wicked tail,
That whipped back and forth, creating a gale!

He was slim, lithe and sleek, a right streamlined small cat,
And a growled when I saw him, and snarled, "holy crap!"
A twitch of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had bunches to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And emptied the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his paw aside of his nose,
With a full body fluff-out, up the mantle he rose!

He sprang at the tv, his eyes still a glazed.
Bounced off of the Wii-games, the CDs and blue-rays.
He landed right in my arms and went straight to his cute act.
Like he knew I'd forgive him, for being high on the nip-crack!

He slid out of my arms, to the floor slowly oozed.
He trotted away, trilling "mew mew mew mew."
I said, "Yes, you're forgiven," as I picked up the tree.
"Merry Christmas to all," from Pat, cats, dog and me!

How My House Became a TNT Cop Drama

I'm fighting a drug war in my house. I also seem to be losing.

See, catnip affects kitties in one of two ways...they either get really mellow, find a soft pillow to chill out on and ask you for twinkies, or - like my Dragon - they race around the house like a squirrel on speed using your chandeliers as their own personal zips lines. For this reason alone, "the nip" is now a Class C controlled substance in my house. Possession of which carries a 2-bath penalty.

At 4:45 this morning, I kissed my sweet husband goodbye and sent him out the door to go play with the other Shriners at some function. Turning around, I SAW THE DEAL GO DOWN. My border collie, Shala, delivered a "dime-bag" to Dragon! They both saw me at the same time - and I kid you not - Dragon grabbed the nip-mouse and tore out for the farthest reaches of the house leaving his dealer in the dust. So much for honor among thieves.

Now, it's 4:45 am, I'm tired and faced with 2 choices: do I "arrest" the dealer by tossing her in the half-bath and go into hot pursuit of a drug-crazed kitten or do I say screw it, it's a victimless crime, and go crawl back into my nice, soft, warm bed which is beckoning seductively to me from the end of the hallway? Ah, hell. The bed will still be there and justice needs to be administered.

I found the nip-sniffing hooligan holed-up behind some boxes in the basement guarding "his precious." He mewed sweetly, jumped in my arms and began purring. *Snort* I confiscated and destroyed the evidence, told Shala and Dragon that I'm looking the other way just this once and sent them both back to bed.

Great...I just realized that my 8-month-old kitten is a strung out nip junkie, my border-collie is a drug dealer and I'm a dirty cop on the take. My house is officially a TNT cop-drama.

Knock knock

Knock knock
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

I saw him standing on my front door handle, sort of knocking to come in. He's just too cute! I call him...Bob. After I took the picture, I picked him up and gently relocated him to my garden so he could be happier. He's more of an "outdoor pet" anyway. ;-)

Nice Parking Job

Nice Parking Job
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Patrick & I were at the KCMO River Market a couple of weeks ago and saw this truck parked on the median instead of in a legitimate parking space like everyone else. This truck happened to be a commercial vehicle. The name of the company on the side of the truck? Premier Parking Services. Somehow, I'm not too sure that the driver did a "premier" job of parking that truck.

Applause From and For Apple

Applause From and For Apple
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Kansas City Plaza Apple employees came out of the store shortly before 7am yesterday morning to applaud those of us waiting in line to buy the new iPhone 4. In turn, the Apple employees were greeted with applause, cheers and hearty hearty whoops of joy as their 10-second countdown came to an end at 7am sharp.

One of the Lucky Few

One of the Lucky Few
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

So, it's 3:30am and Pat and I are in line to pick up my new iPhone 4. That's right...despite Apple and ATT's best efforts, I managed to score one of the rare and elusive "reservations" for the new iPhone 4! I tried all day from my computer and finally at 4pm last Thursday I downloaded the "Apple" App and quickly and easily made my reservation for my new iPhone from my old iPhone. Apparently, I managed to squeeze in just under the line because my husband, Patrick (pictured above), tried from the same app on his phone just a few minutes later and he couldn't make a reservation. We ended up just ordering his for home delivery. He should have his sometime around, oh, mid-July. He'll just have to be content to drool over mine...my...my precious!

Twitter Lists and Promoting the Brand of YOU

I Shall Call Her...Mini Me.
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

The new list feature for Twitter is amazing! You can build lists for any topic imaginable and disseminate that info to other people in your network. Slick and simple - if you can get people to want your info.

For example, I'm trying to convince some friends of mine that social networking sites like Twitter are good places to begin looking for job leads.

"Get out there and get noticed," I tell them. "Network, promote the brand of YOU." (They stay with me on this point - so far.)

I tell them that a recent study published by Pingdom.com established that 64% of Twitter users are 35+ and the average Twitter user is 39 years old. (They recognize themselves in that general description and begin to show more interest.)

I tell them that since Google, Yahoo, and Bing now index Twitter posts, using Twitter for their job search has become even more valuable in the last six months. Twitter can help them get found, help recruiters find them, help them brand their subject matter expertise, help them increase their page ranking, and help them promote and find content - essentially help them promote their brand. (They like this idea.)

I tell them about all the vast quantities and varieties of different tweet-sources of job info on Twitter...and I lose them. ("Too much effort." I'll get lost." "I'll have a billion tweets to sort through." "I won't find job lead relevant to me." etc...)

Not anymore! I can do the work for them while I'm building MY network, promoting MY brand and looking for a job myself!

I've set up 2 job lead lists from my Twitter feed - one on any job in Kansas City (a bit general, yes, but all it takes is one lead on something related to get to what you really want) and one specific to tech jobs anywhere in the US (hey, not all my friends are in KC and some that are might be willing to relocate for the right position).

Anyway, I've done the research on finding interesting, relevant, accurate and timely jobs feeds for those categories, all they have to do is follow me and subscribe to the list of their choice. I'm adding new feeds to my list as I deem them relevant or necessary and will probably come up with other more specific lists to add to my list of lists.

I make it easy for them. To get this information all they have to do is follow me and subscribe to my lists.

Simple as pi...no...make that "pie."

RIP Sideways Smiley

RIP Sideways Smiley
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Sideways Smiley Face
(1982-2010)

Sideways Smiley Face died on March 14, 2010, surrounded by his loved ones. The cause of death was over-use. Born on a Computer Science on-line bulletin board at Carnegie Mellon University, Mr. Face devoted his life to pointing out that the previous sentence was meant to be funny. He also gained worldwide recognition for his tireless efforts as a glib substitute for the words “I’m amused.” His other interests included frowning and winking.

He is survived by his children, Sideways Surprised Face, Sideways Glasses Face, Sideways Abraham Lincoln Face, Sideways Santa Claus Face, Sideways Pope Face, and, of course, his beloved wife, XOXO.

In lieu of flowers, Mr. Face’s family has requested that people use actual words to express their feelings.

---------

This was courtesy of Chuck Lorre Productions. It was Chuck's vanity card after the March 22, 2010 episode of Two and a Half Men. It was just too funny not to pass along.

Danny's Last Catch

Danny's Last Catch
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

"Surely Jesus loves fishermen for He chose them for His own, to be with Him and learn from Him and someday share His home. It must have been their trust in God and patience He found rare, that keeps them very near His heart and ever in his care." - Anne Kujawa

May all your fish be keepers. RIP Uncle Danny.

Apple Marketing Machine Drops the Ball

Apple Marketing Machine Drops the Ball
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Apple's marketing machine has goofed again.

Notice that phone number up there? The one splashed in big text on the iPhone...the product being sold in this ad? Call it. Go ahead, I dare you. And you get....? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Bupkiss. Not a valid number.

Apparently the genius' at Apple and/or ATT couldn't be bothered to set up a real working number that channels you to say a recording of something like, "Thank you for your interest in the iPhone. For more information about iPhone features, please press 1. For more information on your local iPhone retailers, please press 2..." and so forth.

THAT was a major opportunity missed. It's a phone number that you've just plastered in HUGE lettering across every tv in America. Did they not think people would actually call it out of shear curiosity?

It's like Jenny's number - you all know it - 867-5309. People call it out of curiosity and get various results depending on the area code. Tommy Tutone made it famous, but people actually calling a fictitious number from a song made it infamous.

Face it guys, you dropped the ball and missed a heck of a marketing opportunity. At least Jenny's number gets answered.

A Wicked Chicken & Egg Problem

It wasn't too long ago that space was the "final frontier." Today's frontiers are no longer "final"...just the "next one," and our generation of web programmers' next great frontier is development for the mobile platform.

As with any frontier challenge there are hurdles. Mine, for now, is to find a reasonable, economic solution to analytics for the mobile platform. There are services out there that can provide limited tracking analytics and such, but for a hefty fee. Even if you agree to their pricing structures, they all rely on the basic 1x1 pixel trick that traditional web programmers have used for years so why would we pay them to do what we can do ourselves anyway? Besides, Google and its compatriots are starting to seriously frown on the 1x1 pixel trick and we won't be able to do that much longer anyway.

In response to the burgeoning demand for analyzing mobile traffic, Google is trying to develop an analytics platform specific to mobile. It's just that most mobile browsers don't support JavaScript and AJAX - the 2 key technologies that current analytics rely on. They can build it for the newer smart phones like Droid & iPhone whose mobile Mozilla & Safari-based browsers offer limited JavaScript & AJAX support, but that leaves a goodly bit of the rest of the mobile market out in the cold with respect to a site-developer/owners need to track traffic.

The kicker comes in the hardware - the hardware makers and service providers WANT for their traffic to be found and accounted for. They WANT companies to know that thousands of people use their product to surf the web. It's in their best interest to make phones with browsers that are user friendly and can be found in analytical data. But to make a phone that uses a browser that supports the languages and standards needed to produce that traffic data increases the cost of the phone to the consumer - which risks alienating consumers because of price. I can name at least a dozen people who drool over my iPhone (some of them on it, but that's another issue) but who don't like the $300 price tag that comes with it. They'd happily spend their days surfing the web and paying to download apps - if the upfront cost was cheaper.

So here's the wicked chicken & egg bit...I want cheap analytics on mobile traffic. Google wants to give me cheap analytics on mobile traffic but can't give me ALL the data I want because 1) there are still older phones or phones with older/non-current-analytic-technology compliant browsers, 2) Google itself frowns on the simple tech that will provide at least some data for the remaining phone/browser set, and 3) hardware & service provider companies want to give me the data I need but to do so would require them to raise costs and spend more money convincing the consumer that the cost increase is worth it to have the latest and coolest gadget, but 4) many consumers are reluctant to spend the money for the "new coolness" and sticking with their older phones & browsers, which means 5) I have to find a cheap way to account for their traffic if I want a cleaner, truer data set, which - for now at least - still means the 1x1 pixel trick because I can't use JavaScript or AJAX.

And we're back at the beginning again.

Lego my Volvo?

Can't afford a new car? Build one out of Legos! I was going through the archives of bitrebels.com when an article on a Volvo built from Lego blocks caught my attention. All I can say is "wow!" I cannot imagine the number of hours it took the team who put this together to assemble it, but this is amazing!

Breakfast at the Ararat Shrine Restaurant

Breakfast at the Ararat Shrine Restaraunt
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Mmmm....yum! The restaurant at the Ararat Shrine Temple now serves breakfast on the 4th Saturday of the month. Patrick & I went to breakfast this morning and for under $20 we both had scrambled eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, potatoes, toast and juice.

What a deal! A fantastic breakfast meal cooked to order.

Totally off my diet mind you...but hey...once a month won't hurt, and the money goes back into the Shriner's Temple, and those men do a lot of good things.

15 minutes

Shala the Mud Monster
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

15 minutes!! I swear! That's all she had been outside for. 15, 1-minute increments.

She wanted to go outside to chase the rabbits that have begun invading the yard.

15 minutes.

I looked outside to check on the progress of the ongoing rabbit eradication mission.

15 minutes?!

I think there's more mud there than dog! How did she get so muddy in 15 minutes? Still...I don't see any rabbits. I highly suspect that they've retreated under the shed and are sitting there giggling their little fuzzy tails off. Stupid rabbits.

15 minutes...really?!!

Shala's On a Website!

A picture of my 2-year border collie has been used on a website!

Go See Shala

Pat took the picture when he caught her after she'd absconded with his house slipper and was just settling in for a good chew session. Needless to say...she did NOT get to keep the slipper.

I LOVE Simon's Cat

Give Her A Hand...

Cayenne!

Cayenne!
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Ok, so I was tired of all white. I had sort of been "stalking" this color for about a month. It was between "Cayenne" and another red-orange color called "Daredevil."

I chose wisely. Cayenne blends beautifully with the existing chili pepper border and goes nicely with the counter tops.

So far, I've only painted the pantry here, but I'm going to come back and paint the rest of the kitchen this color now that I know that I LOVE this color!

And I can't say enough good things about the folks at the Sherwin Williams on Barry Road. They waited patiently for me while I oohed and ahhhed and went back and forth over the paint samples for a month. They helped me with getting the right primer (a warm medium gray by the way). Then they told me to be patient. They warned me that this color would take several coats to come out the way I wanted. One coat of primer and 4 coats of paint later...ta da!!!

It was sooooooo worth it! Don't you think?

Twitter Over Capacity??!

Twitter Over Capacity??!
Originally uploaded by heatherhoesly

Twitter...is...over capacity! I can't...twitter! I can't...tweat! My...life...is flashing...before my eyes! Can't...breathe! I...don't know...what...to do with my time! I...can't...keep talking like...Shatner...it's driving me...crazy!

Seriously. So twitter is down. Although I do feel a bit sorry for the hard-core tweat-freak twits out there twitching because they can't get their tweat fix.

Ta ta!

I has it back! My precious! Its was gone for 6 hours its was! Gone! Gone! Repairing it they saids. Fixing it. Getting rids of the nasty busted pixels they were. But it's back! Back! Mmmmmm...my precious...precious.