How My House Became a TNT Cop Drama

I'm fighting a drug war in my house. I also seem to be losing.

See, catnip affects kitties in one of two ways...they either get really mellow, find a soft pillow to chill out on and ask you for twinkies, or - like my Dragon - they race around the house like a squirrel on speed using your chandeliers as their own personal zips lines. For this reason alone, "the nip" is now a Class C controlled substance in my house. Possession of which carries a 2-bath penalty.

At 4:45 this morning, I kissed my sweet husband goodbye and sent him out the door to go play with the other Shriners at some function. Turning around, I SAW THE DEAL GO DOWN. My border collie, Shala, delivered a "dime-bag" to Dragon! They both saw me at the same time - and I kid you not - Dragon grabbed the nip-mouse and tore out for the farthest reaches of the house leaving his dealer in the dust. So much for honor among thieves.

Now, it's 4:45 am, I'm tired and faced with 2 choices: do I "arrest" the dealer by tossing her in the half-bath and go into hot pursuit of a drug-crazed kitten or do I say screw it, it's a victimless crime, and go crawl back into my nice, soft, warm bed which is beckoning seductively to me from the end of the hallway? Ah, hell. The bed will still be there and justice needs to be administered.

I found the nip-sniffing hooligan holed-up behind some boxes in the basement guarding "his precious." He mewed sweetly, jumped in my arms and began purring. *Snort* I confiscated and destroyed the evidence, told Shala and Dragon that I'm looking the other way just this once and sent them both back to bed.

Great...I just realized that my 8-month-old kitten is a strung out nip junkie, my border-collie is a drug dealer and I'm a dirty cop on the take. My house is officially a TNT cop-drama.